Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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