if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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