Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
