I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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