His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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