Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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