he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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