I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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