my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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