i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
