I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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