Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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