Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
