We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
