Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
