you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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