Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yo dont text me then not text me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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