lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
