Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize