I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
