Welp...herpes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
