singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
