he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
