yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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