four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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