Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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