all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
