chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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