this just has baby written all over it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
