i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
