Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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