i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
