is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
