she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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