Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
