You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize