so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize