i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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