Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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