Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
