You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Green mimosas i think yes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
