I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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