I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize