Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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