So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
