I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
