Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
