I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
