Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
