Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
