Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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