I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
