did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
