Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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