I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
