they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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