You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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