So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
