don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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