can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
