youre lurking in front of me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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