Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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