I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
