i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize